Half Man, Half Biscuit - Half Hearted

A collection of song lyrics from HMHB

Surging Out of Convalescence [Achtung Bono]

Surging Out of Convalescence [Achtung Bono]
Thursday, 21 June 2007

Darts in soap operas
Oh so wrong oh so wrong
No one scoring and there's
Too much chat between each throw

Worse than this though is when
Cheers are raised up for a bull
Granted, bull's a double and an out
But I know that they don't know
Therefore I propose no soap darts

Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat
Sometimes I like to watch wave rage down at Fistral beach
Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit
Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow
Try in vain
For they say
Few succeed

I wrote to the Horse & Hound
To gloat over what I'd done
I'd stored their magazine
In a data retrieval system
Well let's face it what are they going to do
It's not as if they know where I live
And anyway I cut the caper back in 1984

Oh broken matrons! Oh joyless beds!
For those whose souls the iron has entered

And if I get to Heaven's Gate
I'll doubtless have to wait
While St Peter investigates
The inevitable asterisk

The inside of a Halex 3-star table tennis ball
Smells much like you'd expect it to

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk


Fistral The main surfing beach in Newquay (Cornwall). Too many pikeys these days.

Horse and Hound "The equestrian world's only news weekly".

...stored their magazine in a data-retrieval system It was a common copyright warning on magazines such as "The contents of this magazine, either in whole or part, may not be reproduced, stored in a data retrieval system...blah, blah, blah." In 1984, of course, few people had access to such a system.

Halex 3-star Table-tennis ball - The cream of ping-pong balls.